Small Kindnesses

  Growing up, things weren't always easy for me. Not due to anything more than a small amount of scarring on my face. It was something that should have been overlooked, but never was. Day after day kids cruelly pointed it out, called names, and excluded you because you look different. It hurt, but I always tried to ignore it. I applied myself elsewhere. School and learning was a high priority, sports came in second. They had to include you on a team sport. Years would traipse by and I never thought a bit of how my day to day effected anyone. 
  I can not tell you what day it was, how the weather was, or whether or not I was in a mood or not. I can tell you however, my youngest sister came beaming in the door, arriving from school with a sheet of paper in her hand and a small aluminum wrapped soda can. She looked so proud as she marched up to me and thrust her hands out. 
 " This is for you. Read it." Her demand was adorable,and completely unexpected. I reached out and gathered the small gifts from her. Turning the can over in my hand I read in childish hand writing, " Your Great! I love You!" A tiny pink horse and a dark blue marble nestled near a big flower in hues of peach. Stickers were placed in each of the blank spaces she had felt needed a bit of something. I grinned. Her and I so rarely got along, this in itself was truly touching, but then my eyes drifted to the letter. 
   As I read over each word her sweet little heart had put down describing how truly inspiring I was to her, tears filled my eyes. They still do to this day. My cute , annoying little sister told me I was her hero. I was her Hero for being able to keep my head up through teasing, and silly childhood misunderstandings. To her that was such an amazing thing. Something I had considered coping and moving on, she considered a triumph. To this day I pull out her letter and read over each of the words. Being moved to tears each time. My small soda can wrapped still sits where I can see it, it looks a little worse for wear, but I diligently try to preserve the most beautiful trophy I ever earned, the unconditional love of a sister. 

A silent storm

Pain
Gripping my heart squeezing it , until barely I can draw a small breath.
Agony
Tearing ripping at me. I watch hopes and dream slowly dying before me. Turning to ash and slipping through fingers , desperate to hold on to one small shred of what could have been. 
Tears
Falling, unrestrained they cascade down my cheeks. Parading the despair and hurt that ride the tidal wave of each and every drop. Seeping away any attempt to try to hold on to any form of control. Its too late, I have lost any control.
Resigned
Looking at the path I have chosen, lamenting over paths gone by. Resignation takes the forefront. I can no longer fight, I can no longer hope of winning. All I can do is grasp the small shreds of possibilities that are no longer possible. Cling to dreams that have faded to black and become a distant warm memory. 

A small Stone

The silence is heavy like an elephant on my chest.
Words seem to escape my lips but fly noiselessly across the room to only fall upon deaf ears.
Weeping on the inside, I have no where to turn, alone , I wipe the tears and put on the brave face.
All is well in the word, at least that's the story they hear. 

Ahhh

The hot tingling prick of multiple needles zipping inn and out of your skin. The slow burn that radiants through your body. The whirring of the machine near your ear....makes...me ...so ...sleepy

Oh Goodness Gracious!!

SO it would seem that after starting this adventure, I allowed myself to get side tracked, side swiped, and all around lost in a host of other lovelies!!
I have done some writing, I have tackled some new and crazy knitting projects and I am about to undertake teaching myself some new crafts. I am so sorry to have neglected you all; I shall be more diligent in posting. I shall start by sharing with you my favorite project I undertook.

   Being a girl who is a bit wild at heart, and you can take that to mean crazy or that I love nature, both would be accurate. But as I was gazing upon the splendor of many talented loomers, I thought.... I don't see a Viking hat pattern, and I need one.
   Now not many people would stop and think they need a Viking helmet, but ;) I am not your average bear. I set about deciding what type of yarn would be best for such a project.

  I decided on using a nice bulky yarn (5) in a tan and a dark chocolate brown.

  I started the hat with a crochet cast on. I have been favoring it lately. J

  I then e-wrap knit until I had about 4 inches. Once I reached the 4 in mark, I turned it up and made the brim. It at this point was nothing too spectacular, except to me who was giddy.  

  Switching to the dark brown I knitted away creating the helmet part of my Viking fashion wear! After getting the body finished, I made the tan horns and the accent piece for the helmet in tan as well.

   After marveling at it, I decided there was one thing missing…. BRAIDS! Quickly I got out my bright yellow yarn and created some gorgeous braids to attach on either side of the helmet. It was complete and I was so happy!  Here is a peak at my Viking helmet; I am ready to go plundering!

Mom

She lights up when she laughs. Her whole face just beams. She smiles and it just melts my heart. I love her so much. The thought of ever not having her with me wreaks havoc on my heart. She completes my world. she's my confidant, my rock, my supporter, and she is my nurturing force. I love her so much.

Silence

Sounds that should be there vanish. The world seems to stop. There's not even a whisper of your own breath. Its eerily...silent.

Caught up

The soft scent of cinnamon, the smell of fresh paints, and the aroma of fresh yarn. Every turn you feel those creative juices flowing, pulsing through the veins. Oh I know something amazing is about to come from this trip!

Joyful Victory

The look of serious determination lines his face in a way I am sure he has only seen on the adults around him. He lines his shots up, and after a gorgeously hit 100 times, the small green ball glides into the hole like a ferret to their burrow. Reaching down and scooping it out, he turns and triumphantly thrusts his arms to the sky. Grinning ear to ear and proud as can be, he whoops " I did it! I'm amazing!"
"Yes , yes you are. " I burst with almost as much excitement as he has. Running over to get his victory hug, I wrap my arms around him and feel happy.

OH Goodness

Nothing is quite so frustrating as listening to the soft whirring of the strands of yarn as they are pulled mercilessly from they blanket and wound into a gorgeous pile of tangles upon the floor.

...

At my most vulnerable moment, I look around only to see shadows of where you stood,

Love

Laying in your arms
The heat from your embrace lulling me into a state of pure contentment
My eyes begin to slowly see more of a comfortable black ocean of sleep
I listen to the rhythm of your heart
You never let me go, you hold me to you like your arms were molded for just this moment
All I feel is love

A clear moment

The night is clear and still except for the passing of the cars nearby.
You're so close.
Everything about you is close.
I can feel the heat from you in the cool air
You lean forward and kiss me
the soft warm pressure of your lips on mine explodes every sense I posses
I love you

Nature's Paint Brush

The pale blue sky stretches out to embrace the soft rose, peach and lemon chiffon edges of the horizon. It appears that the sky has been painted by children with pastel spring flowers for brushes. 

Pollen covered face giggling as they dab daffodils, tulips and lilies across pools of aqua.

As quickly as the hues possessed the sky they fade. 

Solemn grays, charcoal and blacks take their place. 

To my core the cheery warmth seeps out and is replaced with a cold hollow feeling. 

Winter encroaches upon my spring thoughts, and scolds me for having them.

Sighing, I agree, I should have embraced the hues of winter, and not forced them to be something else.

Shame on me.

A Quiet Afternoon

Rays of light make their way through the bars of the blinds struggling to fill the room with their glow. They are mostly kept at bay, but a few dimly illuminate the spacious cavern of the room.
The soft melody of piano keys tickled by a knowing master coupled with the soft sounds a distant river echo calmly off the walls, creating an illusion of being at a concert in a forest.
I close my eyes and try to make the world stop.
About that time, the door flies open and a boisterous group of youth bound through the door with a miss mash of their adventures of the last forty five minutes.
I smile and nod at each new story. I know that I am honored to be the recipient of each one, and yet inwardly I sigh and my eyes drift over to the window where rays of light make their way through the bars of the blinds.

A Faithful Friend

Her eyes, sparkling and eager. Anxious for the smallest little acknowledgement.
She softly whimpers again and again, telling me she wants something.
Each pitch of the whine heightens with want as she wags her tail and submissively bows her head.

When given what she desires, she dances joyously like in a contest all her own, and each time wins over my heart. A small warm tongue wets my arm, an she looks lovingly at me, my faithful friend.

Hurting Heart

The burn of each tear as it forms and spills over my lashes, is a reminder of the pain that is inside.
My heart beats so quickly, and my air seems to almost be cut off at times. 
Every word is formed and moves across my lips like molasses in the winter.
I know its only slow motion in my mind, but the agony of the waiting for the word to be heard seems like eternity.
 In the end, like a ray of light twinkling through dew drops in the morning, hope flickers.
I hold on to it like a life preserver, I know this can be overcome .

A Peaceful Slumber

The warmth of the light that fills his space.

The constant flowing of the water nearby.

His eyes labor to open and then give up.

Closing them he breathes softly and slumbers with a smile.